A Night Without Sleep

I'm exhausted. Emmalyn whined two nights ago and wanted her pacifier all night. Usually, she sucks on it until she gets good and asleep and then it pops out. She has a lot of trouble keeping it in her mouth because of her cleft.

So two nights ago, she was up all night and last night she was a puker (I know that seems to be a recurring topic).

I was getting ready for bed and the hubs was getting her ready for bed. The husband started shouting for me. The hubs has a habit of commanding my attention for ridiculous things, such as TV commercials, the dog laying on the couch, etc. when he started yelling for me, I didn't get in to big of a hurry, but he had an urgency in his voice. He yelled, "Lauren, now!" So I ran. He met me in the living room with a purple faced Emmalyn who was gasping for breath.


He had her up on his shoulder and was patting her back. Her color returned to normal and so did her breathing, but all three of us were kind of panicky.

The hubs said he was getting her dressed when all the sudden she quit making noise and turned purple. He said he could see the panic in her eyes.

By the time I got to them, she had started making noise and I knew she was ok. It's still scary. My baby girl choked. She couldn't breath. What if DH wasn't there? Would she have cleared it on her own? Who knows?

Last night, I checked her pretty much every time I moved, which is a lot. She's usually a nosy sleeper so if I couldn't hear her, I pretty much had an instant panic attack.

I know she's fine, but I'm afraid I'm going to be living on fear of the what-if from here on out.