The Struggle

{To Be A Good Wife}

 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.- Ephesions 5:22-23

This is about to get real, so be prepared.  Also,  I probably won't proof-read it, because I want to be honest, and I don't want to back down from it.  So don't judge my broken sentence usage and rambling statements.  

My husband and I started dating 7.5 years ago.  We have been together for ALL of my twenties, and I love him whole-heartedly, but there are things that aren't so lovable.  I know that I will find these traits in anyone I let into my heart.  

Recently, I've realized that I'm difficult.  I'm selfish and I take out my frustrations on people that I love.  If the kids are driving me insane, I snap at my husband.   If I had a bad day at work,  I get short with him and our never ending conversation about what to eat for dinner.  

I make my own decisions, but I don't want to make decisions for other people.  I don't follow directions, and I usually think of myself first.  I'm not submissive.  

I don't put my husbands needs before my own.  I'm not talking about sexual needs. I'm talking about daily needs: conversation, love, reassurance, comfort.  

I'm not good at those things, and the amount of attention I've directed at him with us having two children has just continued to shrink and if I'm being honest, it's taking a toll on our marriage.  

My challenge now is to spend more time focusing on my husband as a husband and not as a father.  I need to spend more time focusing on him as a person.  

I need to love him better.