Just rest.....

Today, I am 34 weeks and 4 days
pregnant. I have 38 days until my due date and 30 days until my RCS. I have a pre-op scheduled on my 3rd wedding anniversary.

I'm tired. I'm grouchy. My back is killing me. I get up 4 times/night to pee. I have heartburn that makes me want to spit up.

I have an amazing 14 month old daughter. She's happy all the time and she loves so much. She gives the best hugs and kisses. She slips crackers to the dogs when she thinks we're not looking. She's an amazing part of my life.

I feel incredibly guilty. I feel like I'm not ready to give up her being my "only" child, and I'm afraid she's not ready to give up that role in our lives. When I think about this, I cry. I feel like we are cheating our dear, sweet baby girl out of an important part of her childhood by having another baby too soon.

At the same time, there are preparations that need to be made for this baby. For one thing, this baby has no room. We finally started that yesterday. This baby has clothes that need to be washed and diapers that need to be purchased. This baby is also going to make us poor. That's a whole other post. The point is, there are things that need to be done. I also need to keep working. I need to keep my income up as much as possible in order to help with maternity leave. Christmas and home renovations are also not helping the budget.

The point of this post is that my husband and I have about 10000 things going right now, but people just keep telling us to rest, like its that easy.

Trust me peeps, if I could, all I would do is lay around and let people wait on me hand and foot.

At this point, I'm just trying to keep my head above water.