Friday Five

First off all, let me just say TGIF.  This week's full moon has hit the geriatric population hard.  It's been a long week.

So Friday's Five

{country fried steak}. I punctured a package of round steak while digging in the freezer last weekend so Sunday morning, I breaded it and threw it in the crock pot for the day.  The exciting part?  I was able to make 3 meals out of it. We had country fried steak and veggies, open faced steak sandwiches with gravy and Philly cheese steak sandwiches.

{milestones} My little Emmalyn has become a growing machine.  This week she has started pulling up on furniture and going from crawling to sitting without assistance.  

{rehab week}. This week is rehab week.  Take a moment to thank any PT/OT/SLP peeps you might know.   They're awesome.  My boss had a luncheon for us today and it's always nice to be appreciated.

{pig tails} For the second time ever, H let me put her hair in pig tails.  It is definitely the cutest thing ever.  It also makes me happy.

{fall is coming}. Even here in lower Alabama, you can tell that the mornings are just a little bit cooler and the bugs are getting just a little bit easier to deal with.   While we do have big plans for the last official weekend of summer, it'll be nice to get a reprieve from the heat.

Weekend Update

I'm not always the best juggler of things.  Sometimes, this poor old blog gets neglected for weeks and months on end.  Honestly, it's not just this blog that's gotten neglected, but my social media in general.

{Raising Kids}  

Emmalyn is 6 months old.  We just took her for her check up and everything was great.  The pediatrician was surprised she went 6 months without ear infections secondary to her cleft,  but she's a rock star.  She's 25th percentile for weight and 50th percentile for height.   She had some stomach issues last week and we ended up cutting out all of her milk based formula.  She now gets 100% soy formula with rice cereal added to it.  As far as development goes, she rolls from back to belly and belly to back. She tries very hard to crawl, and loves pushing herself backwards in her  walker. She makes a lot of noise, but makes very few consonant sounds.  She's started eating purees and LOVES them.  Overall, she's about the happiest baby I've ever seen.

Hadley is almost 22 months old.  She's developed a little bit of a diva attitude, and currently does not like taking no for an answer.  We've started mommy and me gymnastics which she loves, but getting her to leave has become a we bit of an issue.  Overall, she's happy and healthy, and she may be a little bit spoiled.

{Home Life}

Having two small kids has caused fast and serious havoc in my home.  It's hard to keep up cleaning up after them.    The hubs has been using his summer vacation to play catch up.  It's been nice to have someone else doing a little bit of the work, but I'm not sure we're ever truly going to catch up.  

{Work Life}

It's still there.  I'm still thankful to have a job that I love.  I've actually been working a little bit more.  

My First Mother's Day

I can't believe it was a year ago.

I was in a good place.  I had a happy, giggly 7 month old baby and a great husband.  I had a super flexible job, which led me to working my first mother's day so we could take a 3 day weekend the next weekend. The job I had at the time required a 40 minute commute, so on my first mother's day, my alarm went off around 5:30 A.M.  

I walked into the bathroom where my dear, sweet husband left me my first mother's day present.  He signed Hadley's name on the card.  

I headed off to work, and I'd been on the interstate for about 10 minutes when I started feeling a little queasy.  I started hot flashing and my mouth started to water.  I pulled over and threw up.  It wasn't the first time that I'd thrown up  on the side of that interstate.

I continued my drive with my stomach much more settled, but my mind was racing.

The only time I've ever gotten carsick, I was pregnant with Hadley. 

The thought process probably looked something like this: How long ago was my last period?  Surely, I can't be pregnant.  We were careful.  When was that period? Oh....oh...it was 6 weeks ago.  6 weeks is longer than 28 days.  My periods have always been 28 days apart.  I've only been late once. Oh. oh. oh.  I can't be pregnant.  We were so careful.  We were always careful except....oh.  oh.  oh dear.  

I stopped at the next store I passed.  I bought the test.  I raced into the bathroom.  I wasn't even finished peeing before that second line popped up on the stick.  

This is the honest truth. There were so many emotions running around in my head.    I was ecstatic, but I was devastated.  I didn't want another baby right now!   This wasn't my plan.   I spent a good chunk of my early twenties convinced that I was going to struggle with infertility.  I spent countless hours in my gynecologist's office because I had painful periods, recurrent ovarian cysts, and endometriosis. Now here I was, having conceived once immediately after stopping birth control, and now, once on accident. 

My head was spinning.

I spent the day locked up in my office crying.

I felt guilty that I was going to ruin Hadley's childhood by introducing another child into her life.  

And honestly, I felt a little stupid.  I'm a grown woman, and I know where babies come from.  

It took me sometime to accept that my plans aren't always what's in my future.  It took me EVEN longer to get excited about the pregnancy, and now it's almost crazy to think that this wasn't the way we planned things.  

Boob Juice and Embarrassment

Warning: This post might get lengthy. 

This week, I'm linking up with Kaitlyn over at Wifessionals for her series Preparing For A Little One.  You see, Kaitlyn is pregnant, and I am so EXCITED for her, but I'm sitting her contemplating another margarita because both my kids are *finally* sleeping.   This week's topic for PFALO is breast feeding vs. formula feeding, and I felt like I should chime in because there are two sides to every story.   With Hadley, I was dead set on BFing.  It was important to me, and you know what the research says.  It's what's best for baby, plus it's cheap, so why wouldn't we do it?  I was a first time mom, so I had the 'my way or the highway,' attitude.  We tried, and we tried to get the hang of breast feeding, but the truth was we both hated it.   I spent so much time attached to my pump and to this day, I hate loathe despise the word 'breast pump.'  After a hard fought battle, and HOURS attached to my pump in style advanced, I threw up the white flag.  I was DONE.  And Hadley was just as happy to be getting formula as she was that breast milk I worked so hard for.   And then I found out about Emmalyn (approximately two months to the day after my surrender) and I knew that because "breast is best,"  I would try again.  Emmalyn was evicted and brought into my recovery room about 30 minutes later for her first attempt at breast feeding.  She latched on like a champ and nursed for about 10 minutes.  And again 3 hours later.  In a 4 hour time frame,  Emmalyn was already a better nurser than her older sister had ever been.   After that, we met the pediatrician and she told us about the cleft palate, discovered by accident.   I have some training in the area of cleft palates, and I instantly knew that Emmalyn would not be able to produce the internal pressures required for breast feeding.   And I was not devastated.  I kept trying through out the day, but when it became obvious that she was getting hungry,  I called the nurse for my similac advance.   Formula feeding TOTALLY changed my newborn experience.  I'm not writing this to dissuade anyone from breast feeding because we're planning on a third baby, and I'm planning on trying the boob juice again, but seriously!! formula feeding made my life so much easier.   I wasn't stressed out all the time about how much milk I was producing.  I wasn't constantly laying around with an infant stuck to my chest.  My husband/parents/random guy at the store could feed her and it would be fine!  I didn't have to tote my breast pump everywhere I went.  I didn't have to time my showers with her feedings because the ridiculous let down issues in the shower.   My baby was happy, and getting all her nutrients, and I wasn't on the verge of freaking out ALL the time.   In addition, my body was much happier.  With Hadley, I never lost any baby weight, I was moody and depressed, and just not a happy person.  I haven't had any issues like that with Emmalyn.  I returned to my normal self pretty quickly.  I lost all my weight from both babies (plus 10 lbs).  My boobs don't leak every time she cries.  I don't have a fridge full of half bottles of breast milk.   In fact, my fridge is full of wine and skinnygirl margaritas.   My kid is formula fed, and we're all happier that way.   I've decided to link up with Jenni at Story of My Life for a blog every day challenge.

The truth about today's prompt for the every day challenge is that I don't embarrass easily.  I'm kind of take me as I am type person, and I should probably feel like a general ass much more frequently than I do.  

Embarassing: My kid, Hadley, pulled my boob out at her first birthday party.  Seriously? Did you not just read about the fact that she hates my boobs?  She hates drinking from them, but isn't so concerned about exposing them to other people. 

Embarrassing:  When my patient called his wife a "sex toy" in front of her, and More Embarassing: I was the only one disturbed by this.  

Embarrassing:  When you run up to an old friend and smack him on the booty (am I the only one that greets friends this way?) and his new girlfriend threatens to kill you.  Loudly.  In a book store.  While your with your husband.  Seriously?

But seriously, none of this stuff really bothers me.  

Hi, my name is Lauren and I'm a vom-phobic

Alternate title: Momma's got a sinus problem... Daddy cleans puke all night....

Name that tune and I'll send you a prize.

Also, when I come up with an idea for a post, I start a draft on my blogger app. I actually started this post on Monday and finished it on my lunch break Thursday. I promptly forgot to post it and am now posting it on the following Monday.

Vom-phobic: self coined title of this author's irrational fear of vomit.

Emetophobia: the real word for author's coined term above.

Backstory: For as long as I can remember, I have had an irrational anxiety attached to vomit. More specifically, the thought of me throwing up. I will literally make myself sick when a stomach bug starts going around. Ironic? Yes.

I really thought that I had recovered from my vom-phobia during two back to back pregnancies, both of which had a fair amount of puke. I REALLY thought I was over it. That's what you get for thinking.

Monday, I went to see my BFF to fill out some paperwork. We have a pretty tight bond because her son was due 5 days after Hadley. She was telling me all about her son projectile vomiting the night before and all my old feelings of anxiety came rushing back. The tightness in my chest, the instant stomach-ache, and the nagging almost compulsive feeling to sanitize things were hitting me hard. In the face.

I was carefully analyzing Hadley's behavior. I was watching her for the first sign of sickness or stomach discomfort. She's been her normal, happy-go-lucky, smiling self. This morning, she woke up talking and giggling. I was getting ready for work when I heard her giggles on the baby monitor. I then heard a cough, and another cough, and a splatter.

Yes, the stomach bug has hit our house. Please pray that it exits as quickly as it entered and effects minimal members of the family.

Don't forget about this little Giveaway.

Also, first person to name the song stuck in my head secondary to writing the alternative title will get a prize.

Why I Don't Meal Plan

{Alternative Title} The Events That Led to my Kid Eating Greek Yogurt and Sun-chips for Dinner

Please tell me I am not the only person who always has ridiculous series of events on Mondays. We could call them extra manic Mondays?

Well, this week, I picked up my phone as I was getting ready to leave work, and I had about 65 calls from my dear hubby. I also had one text message. The text read, "What time are you leaving work today?" So I called him. No answer. Repeat about 4 times. He finally calls me back and says, "So what's up?" And I respond with "You called me." He tells me he has to go finish moving those limestone blocks.

Remember these?


Yes, and then he explained to me...never mind, just insert ridiculous family drama here....

So I ask, "Well, what do you want me to do? Pick up the girls? Help move blocks?" He said, "I already have Hadley. I just can't take her with me." Instantly what runs through my head is, "Why did you pick her up if you have something to do?" But what I said was, "Ok, I'll be home soon."

I get to the house, we load up both vehicles, go get a trailer and go back to the scene of the blocks. I stayed there for about an hour, but I helped none because I was chasing Hadley around.

We then discussed dinner. Typically, because Mondays almost always turn into a cluster, and we eat Mexican food. Tonight, with the husband loading limestone, I decided to pick up a rotisserie chicken. Well, the hubs decided that because chicken on the bone grosses me out.

I went to the grocery store and in true Lauren style, I came up with about 20 things I needed.

I left the grocery store and picked Emmalyn up. I then ran to my mom's house to pick up a check, and yes, both my kids did scream and cry the whole way home, thanks for asking.

I get home and Emmalyn is screaming for a bottle and Hadley is stomping around the house throwing toys. No harm, no foul. I fed the screaming kid and let Hadley throw her toys.

As soon as Emmalyn is done, Hadley
Is instantly starving to death. Amazing. I fixed her a small bowl of Greek yogurt to pacify her and set to work fixing dinner.




And the the bottom fell out. I turned on the water to wash carrots. No water. Seriously, it was like 2 little dribbles.

I walk on to the back porch and say, "Husband!! We have no water pressure," an he answers, "Well, I noticed that the sprinkles weren't working." Again, seriously??

So what do we do? I mean I'm an adult my all definitions of the word. I'm 20-something, married, and have 2 kids. What should I do? I call my dad, of course.

In the mean time, Hadley is still acting like she's about to starve. I give her a handful of sun-chips.

My dad and husband determine that after power outage in the afternoon, the tank on our pump needs to refill. Thank God.

Hadley sees her grandpa and freaks. She screams and cries until he takes her home.

So that is the Monday madness that resulted in my kid eating sun-chips and Greek yogurt for dinner.



I. Am. Exhausted.

Why I've Been an Absentee Blogger

Well, lets start with the obvious, shall we? I've got two amazing daughters. They are fun, beautiful, energetic, happy kids. They are exhausting. And always going.

And usually one of them is commanding attention if I'm trying to do something else. I'm not even talking about sitting down to try and blog. I'm talking about eating, drinking, showering, or laundry. I jump on all chances to eat a meal, while it's hot, with two hands.

I am trying to maintain a household . And I'm a little bit of a control freak. I keep schedules/lists of what needs to be done when. I don't like getting away from my schedule, but it happens. It really has even a hot mess lately because we're in the middle of some renovations.

That leads me to reason number three that I've been an absentee blogger. At 35 weeks pregnant, I decided it would be an amazing idea to rip up all the carpets in our house. Since that started, our house has been constantly in some sort of disarray. Most recently, we replaced the carpet in our living room. The project isn't quite finished so our couch is in the middle of the room and EVERYTHING else is is stuffed in the dining room and room. The flooring for our bedroom is in the kitchen.

I also am in the middle of a purge cycle. What is a purge cycle? We currently have entirely too much stuff. I'm becoming an eBay diva and just hailed 100 items of baby girl clothing to a consignment sale.

I work.

My goal is always to be a better blogger. I love to write. It provides an amazing outlet for me. I want to write about things people want to read about. I am constantly reading and researching what I think people want to read.

Tell me what you want to read! I'm a very open, honest person. I don't really keep secrets, so just ask!

A Night Without Sleep

I'm exhausted. Emmalyn whined two nights ago and wanted her pacifier all night. Usually, she sucks on it until she gets good and asleep and then it pops out. She has a lot of trouble keeping it in her mouth because of her cleft.

So two nights ago, she was up all night and last night she was a puker (I know that seems to be a recurring topic).

I was getting ready for bed and the hubs was getting her ready for bed. The husband started shouting for me. The hubs has a habit of commanding my attention for ridiculous things, such as TV commercials, the dog laying on the couch, etc. when he started yelling for me, I didn't get in to big of a hurry, but he had an urgency in his voice. He yelled, "Lauren, now!" So I ran. He met me in the living room with a purple faced Emmalyn who was gasping for breath.


He had her up on his shoulder and was patting her back. Her color returned to normal and so did her breathing, but all three of us were kind of panicky.

The hubs said he was getting her dressed when all the sudden she quit making noise and turned purple. He said he could see the panic in her eyes.

By the time I got to them, she had started making noise and I knew she was ok. It's still scary. My baby girl choked. She couldn't breath. What if DH wasn't there? Would she have cleared it on her own? Who knows?

Last night, I checked her pretty much every time I moved, which is a lot. She's usually a nosy sleeper so if I couldn't hear her, I pretty much had an instant panic attack.

I know she's fine, but I'm afraid I'm going to be living on fear of the what-if from here on out.

Easter

I got really excited about the girls Easter baskets this year.

I spent all this time thinking we wouldn't do much for Easter.  I then changed my mind, which I do frequently.  

Emmalyn's goodies: aqua circa hoodie, Chicco rainbow sphere rattle, Minnie Mouse bib,  Goodnight Moon with bunny rattle,  I Love You, Hunny Bunny, Duck and Goose Here Comes the Easter Bummy, and Duck and Goose Goose Needs a Hug.

Hadley's goodies: circo grey striped shirt,  Dora Superstar ribbon, 2 bracelets, munchkin wonder waterway bath toys, Melissa and Doug Switch and Spin Magnetic Gear Box, and a broom and dust pan.  That girl really likes to clean.  She does not get it from her momma. 

Hope you guys have a wonderful Sunday!

DD Day

That was today.

Drastically Dreaded Back to Work Day

I didn't want too.

But I did and it wasn't *that* bad.  

I've been blessed with amazing co-workers at both my jobs.  I was welcomed back to the therapy department with open arms and a full schedule.   

I love to work and I love my job.  I love being able to help people and getting to know my patients.  While I was gone, some of our patients died and some got really sick.  On the plus side, some got better and went home.

I learned quickly with this maternity leave that I was not designed to be a stay at home mom.  I know there are people that wish they could stay at home, but have to work.  

I don't have the desire to stay at home.

I LOVE  my children with all of my heart and soul.  I honestly believe that I am a better parent because I don't spend all my time with them, and I have a life outside of them.

This realization has really come with two children.  At the end of my first maternity leave, I wasn't ready to back to work.  I wanted to stay home.  I loved snuggling with my child and making crazy dinners off Pinterest.  

This time I know that I don't want to stay home permanently, but I'm not sure WHEN you decide it's time to go back.  If I wait until I feel ready, will I ever be ready to leave her?   I have days that I could drop my kids off and not think twice about it, but then there are days where I don't want to let them go.

This is what makes this day bittersweet.    I love working and it will be good to be back but I also love my children and want to spend time with them.

The ideal solution would probably be to work part-time, but this is difficult for 2 reasons.  The first being childcare.  Here in a rural area, there is no such thing as part-time daycare.  That means that I have to pay for full-time whether my kids are there or not.  The second is health insurance.  My husband does have health insurance so it's not like my coverage is our only option, but his health insurance is expensive.  Very expensive and I would have to work more than 2 days a week to cover the cost difference.

Here I sit, blessed with this amazing, accommodating full-time job, but still torn about spending more time with my family.  

The arrangement we have now is definitely the best arrangement for us, so I'm going to take it one day at a time and be thankful for what I have.

Sleep is for the weak.

Ask my mom about my childhood. I'm pretty sure she may still have a grudge against me.

That, my friends, is because I would not sleep. In fact, I remember not sleeping through the night.

Growing up, my parents would put me to bed. I would toss and turn and toss and turn. Eventually, I would slip out of bed quietly and find something to entertain me.

Early on, it was Barbie dolls and later it became books. I also remember laying in bed fake coughing until my mom would give me dime-a-tap.

As I've grown up, I have realized that I come by this trait honestly. I get it from my dad. At family reunions, the party doesn't start until 2:00 A.M. On Facebook in the middle of the night? My relatives will see you there.

I've also come to realize that this condition gets worse with stress/anxiety. Since I've had Emmalyn, my anxiety levels have been through the roof. Hands down, this is the most anxious I've ever been in my life. It comes and goes, to an extent, but I can always feel it bubbling beneath the surface. I'm starting to feel like I may have some PPA.

With my new found anxiety levels, I've also found new levels of sleeplessness. I go to bed with my husband at night. Within a few minutes, he is snoring away, and I'm left to my own devices. These include tv and my iPhone. I google super random stuff in the middle of the night, and I warn you, the search history will scar you for life. The last 5 searches on my phone include things like: hereditary sleep disorders (may not be so random), Jase Robertson's wife (does anyone else think the Duck Dynasty wives all look related?) and also (has anyone ever noticed that the word dynasty has nasty in it?), sex after IUD insertion (does it hurt?), banishing birth control bloat (make it go away!), and best BB creams (I want a better one).

My husband and I have lucked out when it comes to our children. They have both been amazing sleepers from a very young age. I'm pretty sure they get that from his family.

Emmalyn: 2 Month Update

At 2 months, Emmalyn:

• finally weighs 8 pounds (8lbs 13oz)
• is 21.25 inches long (This is a joke with me and the nurse at the pediatrician's office, because the hospital had her at 21 inches at birth.  The nurse measured her 3 times at her first check up and she was only 19.25, so she's finally back at birth length.)
• Smiles

• is starting to make some noise. 
• drinks 5 4 oz bottles a day.  We do have to increase the concentration of her formula though.  
• holds her head up pretty well. 
• loves her momma. 
• loves nuk pacifiers. 
• is drinking from Mead Johnson Cleft Lip/Palate bottles with orthodontic nipples with the tip cross-cut.

Can You Pay My Bills? Can You Pay My Medical Bills?

Courtesy of Google Images

I'm sorry I'm channeling Destiny's Child today.   

I have a very long, involved vent about the healthcare system.  Specifically, I work my butt off to provide health insurance for my family.  I could work way less hours and make more money, but I require the full-time status needed to get health insurance. 

When I had Hadley, I had expensive, BAD health insurance.  My plan covered 70% of billed costs, and I had a $950 deductible.  Furthermore, with that company, my plan ran from October 1 to September 30.   Hadley was born October 3rd.  Oh yeah, her deductible was $1450.  I calculated that I paid about $5000.00 out of pocket for her. 

During my pregnancy, I took a new job.  This job had many perks, but number one was it was about 35 minutes less commute time each way.  Number two was that the health insurance was WAY better.  Now, knowing about Emmalyn's cleft palate and knowing that she'll require surgery and many years of follow-up with medical professionals,  I honestly believe that God put this job in my life at the perfect time. 

That doesn't stop the bills....

So far, I've paid my OB office $500 (and then some), the anesthesiologist $50,  and I prepaid the hospital $888.00 before my hospitalization.  Well, they just called and want another $222.00.

After awhile, the numbers start to make my head spin. 

And I'm still waiting on the specialty pharmacy to call me back. 

And I'm waiting on a bill from the pediatrician Emmalyn saw in the hospital.

And I haven't gotten anything from the pathology group.