Dear Restaurant Patrons,
I fully apologize to you for the terrible seat the hostess put you in. She sat you next to a table with a 4 month old and a 19 month old sitting at it.
In addition, I'm sorry that my 19 month old was on her best behavior. She didn't yell, she didn't scream, and she didn't throw all her food on the floor. She smiled and giggled and waved at you about 70 times.
Furthermore, I apologize that your so old and stogy that you couldn't even smile at her. I'm sorry that that corn-cob is stuck so far up your butt that you sat and ate your entire meal with a scowl on your face.
You looked so miserable that I almost wished my toddler did throw food at you just to see if it would make your face freeze in that awful look.
You should really loosen up.
Sincerely,
The Mom with the Happy Kids
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