The Man Flu

I usually have a fair amount of pet peeves, but this week, for sure, it's the man flu.

I know your sick.  Get off your butt.  I can't fix it for you.

If you're dying, go to the doctor.  

I can't fix you.

You're an adult.

Make your own damn appointment.

Get off your butt and help me do something.

The world doesn't stop when your sick.

The kids don't quit needing you.

Get over yourself already.

Real World Education

What I've learned that they didn't teach me at school...

• People suck.  Honestly, if you want to depend on someone, do it yourself. 
• Love isn't cupcakes and roses (for me).  I LOVE my husband, but he can get under my skin faster than anyone. 
• There's a lot of crazy in the world. 
• Wine fixes problems. 
• Responsibility sucks. 
• Kids are amazing, but they can also be a pain in the ass. 
• Old men are honestly disgusting and perverted.  
• They also have no inhibition. 

My Faves

My favorite posts....I promise there is no reasoning behind these. 

ISO: The Perfect Birth Control Method

Our Family Has Grown By Two Tiny Feet

Just Rest

What I've Been Up Too

A Few Moments of Reflection

The Struggle

{To Be A Good Wife}

 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.- Ephesions 5:22-23

This is about to get real, so be prepared.  Also,  I probably won't proof-read it, because I want to be honest, and I don't want to back down from it.  So don't judge my broken sentence usage and rambling statements.  

My husband and I started dating 7.5 years ago.  We have been together for ALL of my twenties, and I love him whole-heartedly, but there are things that aren't so lovable.  I know that I will find these traits in anyone I let into my heart.  

Recently, I've realized that I'm difficult.  I'm selfish and I take out my frustrations on people that I love.  If the kids are driving me insane, I snap at my husband.   If I had a bad day at work,  I get short with him and our never ending conversation about what to eat for dinner.  

I make my own decisions, but I don't want to make decisions for other people.  I don't follow directions, and I usually think of myself first.  I'm not submissive.  

I don't put my husbands needs before my own.  I'm not talking about sexual needs. I'm talking about daily needs: conversation, love, reassurance, comfort.  

I'm not good at those things, and the amount of attention I've directed at him with us having two children has just continued to shrink and if I'm being honest, it's taking a toll on our marriage.  

My challenge now is to spend more time focusing on my husband as a husband and not as a father.  I need to spend more time focusing on him as a person.  

I need to love him better. 

Once upon a time...

I cannot tell you why this story stands out in my head.  

I cannot tell you why this is the story that I chose.  

Once upon a time,  I was at my grandma's house.  My grandma died when I was six, so this is a long long time ago.  My grandma's house had a bedroom set up with a nintendo (an original nintendo) in it.  My favorite cousin was playing nintendo.  I was leaned up in the door way eating sweet-tarts.  I bit each one in half.  

My cousin said, "Why are you biting those in half?" 
 I said, "That's the way I eat them."  
He said, "That's not right.  You should put the whole thing in your mouth."
I said, "That's not how I eat them."  He said, "Well then your stupid." 
 I said, "I'm going to tell my grandma on you." 
He said, "She's my grandma too."  

I'm not one for self portraits....

Honestly, I feel like I look terrible in this picture, but both my babies are there with me, so it's perfect.  

Brush your shoulders off...

Today's topic was a hard one for me to pinpoint. Something difficult about my "lot in life."

Well, I'm I'm not trying to be a martyr. I've made decisions that have had outcomes, both positive and negative. And my life is kind of tough right now. I'm a worrier by nature. I constantly have a long stream of things rolling around in my head that need to be done, things that haven't been done, and things that weren't done right. In addition, there are things like, "am I making a difference at work?" And "am I a terrible parent?" Or "will my kid grow up to be an asshole?"

In trying not to stress as much. I'm trying to let things roll of my shoulders. I'm trying not to over think things.

I'm letting my almost 2 year old roll around on the floor screaming when she doesn't get her way. If her yo gabba gabba shirt isn't clean, oh well.

I'm trying not to let the little things my husband does ruin my day. In the big picture, is it the end of the world if he doesn't throw away his sweet-n-low packets from his morning coffee or pick up his dirty clothes off the floor? Absolutely not. Does it annoy the piss out of me despite the fact that its not the end of the world? Of course it does.

So how am I overcoming issues withy lot in life?

This self proclaimed "aspiring perfectionist" is trying to let go of the small things in life.

A Day In The Life

I should get up for my run, but I couldn't fall asleep last night, so I'm not going to.   

Ok, now you really have to get up.  

One child is ready for breakfast, one child would rather sleep a little bit longer.  

Get big kid dressed for daycare while small kid practices getting ready to roll over.  

Time to get ready- Benefit Boiing Concealer, Dr. Jart BB Cream, Tarte Smooth Operator Loose Powder,   Benefit Hervana blush, Laura Mercer eyeshadow, Avon Glimmersticks eyeliner, and Benefit Yes They're Real, Mascara.  Chi Turbo Round Brush and Loreal Fresh Dust Dry Shampoo. 

Breakfast of Champions- Cinnamon Life
Nectar of the Gods- Diet Coke

A Little Good Morning Music


I am unable to post pictures from my job, but my work day goes something like this.
8:15 Drop Emmalyn off.  Hubs and I have a divide and conquer approach, so he drops off Hadley.
8:30 Work.  Enter billing from yesterday. Make schedule for today.
8:40 Talk to boss about taking tomorrow off for Drs Appointment.
8:45 Drs Office Calls to Move Appointment
8:50 Talk to boss about taking different day off for appointment
9:00-11:45 Patients and Paperwork
12:00 Working Lunch Meeting on Personality Index- Very Interesting
1:00-3:30 Patients
3:30 Run out door for Drs Appt
4:00 Drs Appt.  Good news: Lost 4lbs.  Bad news: Have anxiety issues.

Other bad news: I forgot to take anymore pictures, so the rest of the day went something like this.
4:30 Pharmacy
4:45 Read email about Kate Spade Surprise Sale
4:50 Pay Kate Spade too much money
5:30 Dinner with husband
6:30 Most ridiculous trip to target ever.  Thank god I get paid this week.
7:30 Mmm....coldstone.  Yes I skipped my run AND got cake batter ice cream.
8:15 Pick kids up.  My kids spend tuesday afternoons with their grandparents.
8:35 Tuck Hadley in.
8:45 Lay on couch and watch DVR.
10:35 Type blog post.  Still on couch.
10:40  Announce love for all blog readers

Music: 

If it makes you happy.....

It can't be that bad...
1.  My family.  This is probably the only semi-serious one I'll have, but my family makes me giddy happy.  I love my kids so much my heart feels like it will explode, but I also feel like I might pull my hair out sometimes.

2.  Getting mail.  Talk about a kid in a candy store.  Even when I know it's coming, it makes me giddy. For example, I got my May birchbox yesterday.  Hello happy face.  {Sidenote: I'm thinking about trading my birchbox for a maven box.  Anyone have thoughts?}

3.  Thoughtful little gifts.  Ok, this seriously doesn't matter what it is.  If I walked into work tomorrow, and someone said, "Lauren, I brought you this penny because you didn't have one yesterday,"  it will make my heart swell.  Seriously.

4.  My dogs.  This kind of goes along with family, because our dogs are like are first and second born, but when our oldest fur babies smiles, OMG, I love it.  It's not a pretty smile either....

5.  Finding something I want/love on sale for dirt cheap.  For example, when Hadley was little, I really wanted a moby wrap, but I couldn't find it in my heart to buy one for $50.  I found one on the clearance rack at target for $11.98!! Made my week! And I'm glad I didn't spend $50 on one because she hated it.  Emmalyn tolerated it, but not for long.

6.  Finding that new "perfect" beauty product.  For example, my mom gave me some Benefit (LOVE) make up for mother's day.   One of the things that she gave me was the 'Boing' concealer.  I tried it today and I LOVE it!

7.  Sweets.  It's no secret if you know me that I have a ridiculous sweet tooth, and maybe sometimes I eat my feelings, but cupcakes, cookies, and other treats make me happy.

8.  When my old skinny clothes fit well.  Totally counteracting what I said in #7, I love when I can slip into a pair of jeans that were a little bit to small without any difficulties.  I usually look at my butt in the mirror and say things like, "Damn, I look good."

9.   A clean house.  Fact: A clean house is a happy house.  Fact: Keeping my house clean right now feels impossible.  I'm thinking about taking Wednesday off of work to clean house.

10.   A long hot shower.  Without interruptions.  I frequently refer to this as "washing the day off."  It's awesome.

Currently Listening: 

I Apologize (Letters to Betsy)

Dear Restaurant Patrons, 

I fully apologize to you for the terrible seat the hostess put you in.  She sat you next to a table with a 4 month old and a 19 month old sitting at it.  

In addition, I'm sorry that my 19 month old was on her best behavior.  She didn't yell, she didn't scream, and she didn't throw all her food on the floor.  She smiled and giggled and waved at you about 70 times. 

Furthermore, I apologize that your so old and stogy that you couldn't even smile at her.  I'm sorry that that corn-cob is stuck so far up your butt that you sat and ate your entire meal with a scowl on your face.  

You looked so miserable that I almost wished my toddler did throw food at you just to see if it would make your face freeze in that awful look. 

You should really loosen up. 

Sincerely, 

The Mom with the Happy Kids

Reflections

Today's prompt: what do you miss?  It could be a person, place, or time in your life.   I could probably answer this question a million ways and go on for hours. 

{responsibility}  Sometimes, I miss not having so much.  I miss sleeping until 11:00 with no one screaming for to get up at 7:00 A.M.  Seriously kid?  I miss my husband and I packing up to go to the beach without having to load everything we own and then deal with screaming kids.  Sometimes, I miss not having to pay my own bills.  Sometimes I wish that I'd tried a little harder to pay of debt before we had kids.  

{people}  I REALLY miss some of the girls I went to graduate school with, an old professor/boss/friend, and some old co-workers in the, "I don't see them every day" sense.  I also miss my mom in this sense.  

In addition, there are some people who have left us for the great beyond that I think about frequently.  I miss them terribly and my heart aches sometimes, until we meet again.  Mike, G. Daddy, and Jake, I think of y'all often. 

{places}  When I was in college, we lived in a small apartment (that I don't particularly miss), but we were a block from Publix, and I could eat ANYTHING I wanted for dinner.  I miss the city.  Back here in Podunk,  I have a 15 minute drive to wal-mart and our dinner options are limited to about 4 restaurants.  

1 year ago I was doing …. working, celebrating my first mother's day, and found out I was pregnant.  There might have been tears. 

5 years ago I was doing …. getting ready to graduate with my bachelor's degree.  Spending a lazy summer with my hubby.  We also got engaged right around this time.  CRAZY??!!

10 years ago I was doing…. I was a junior in high school.  I was getting ready for finals and thinking about how much I would miss my senior friends the following year.  I remember that it was close to devastating at the time, but now it seems pretty lame.  

1 year from now Ill be doing…celebrating mother's day with my babies, and NOT finding out that I'm pregnant.  Hopefully. 

5 years ago ill be doing….I might be pregnant again.  That's the time frame we're planning, but honestly, we know our plans don't matter right?

10 years from now ill be doing… I'll probably be pulling my hair out with a 12 year old, a 10 year old, and a 5 year old. 

Selling Myself

I've decided to link up with Jenni at Story of My Life for a blog every day challenge.

Today I'm selling myself.  In 10 Words or Less.  

Honest

Dependable

Intelligent

Organized

Motivated

Efficient

Boob Juice and Embarrassment

Warning: This post might get lengthy. 

This week, I'm linking up with Kaitlyn over at Wifessionals for her series Preparing For A Little One.  You see, Kaitlyn is pregnant, and I am so EXCITED for her, but I'm sitting her contemplating another margarita because both my kids are *finally* sleeping.   This week's topic for PFALO is breast feeding vs. formula feeding, and I felt like I should chime in because there are two sides to every story.   With Hadley, I was dead set on BFing.  It was important to me, and you know what the research says.  It's what's best for baby, plus it's cheap, so why wouldn't we do it?  I was a first time mom, so I had the 'my way or the highway,' attitude.  We tried, and we tried to get the hang of breast feeding, but the truth was we both hated it.   I spent so much time attached to my pump and to this day, I hate loathe despise the word 'breast pump.'  After a hard fought battle, and HOURS attached to my pump in style advanced, I threw up the white flag.  I was DONE.  And Hadley was just as happy to be getting formula as she was that breast milk I worked so hard for.   And then I found out about Emmalyn (approximately two months to the day after my surrender) and I knew that because "breast is best,"  I would try again.  Emmalyn was evicted and brought into my recovery room about 30 minutes later for her first attempt at breast feeding.  She latched on like a champ and nursed for about 10 minutes.  And again 3 hours later.  In a 4 hour time frame,  Emmalyn was already a better nurser than her older sister had ever been.   After that, we met the pediatrician and she told us about the cleft palate, discovered by accident.   I have some training in the area of cleft palates, and I instantly knew that Emmalyn would not be able to produce the internal pressures required for breast feeding.   And I was not devastated.  I kept trying through out the day, but when it became obvious that she was getting hungry,  I called the nurse for my similac advance.   Formula feeding TOTALLY changed my newborn experience.  I'm not writing this to dissuade anyone from breast feeding because we're planning on a third baby, and I'm planning on trying the boob juice again, but seriously!! formula feeding made my life so much easier.   I wasn't stressed out all the time about how much milk I was producing.  I wasn't constantly laying around with an infant stuck to my chest.  My husband/parents/random guy at the store could feed her and it would be fine!  I didn't have to tote my breast pump everywhere I went.  I didn't have to time my showers with her feedings because the ridiculous let down issues in the shower.   My baby was happy, and getting all her nutrients, and I wasn't on the verge of freaking out ALL the time.   In addition, my body was much happier.  With Hadley, I never lost any baby weight, I was moody and depressed, and just not a happy person.  I haven't had any issues like that with Emmalyn.  I returned to my normal self pretty quickly.  I lost all my weight from both babies (plus 10 lbs).  My boobs don't leak every time she cries.  I don't have a fridge full of half bottles of breast milk.   In fact, my fridge is full of wine and skinnygirl margaritas.   My kid is formula fed, and we're all happier that way.   I've decided to link up with Jenni at Story of My Life for a blog every day challenge.

The truth about today's prompt for the every day challenge is that I don't embarrass easily.  I'm kind of take me as I am type person, and I should probably feel like a general ass much more frequently than I do.  

Embarassing: My kid, Hadley, pulled my boob out at her first birthday party.  Seriously? Did you not just read about the fact that she hates my boobs?  She hates drinking from them, but isn't so concerned about exposing them to other people. 

Embarrassing:  When my patient called his wife a "sex toy" in front of her, and More Embarassing: I was the only one disturbed by this.  

Embarrassing:  When you run up to an old friend and smack him on the booty (am I the only one that greets friends this way?) and his new girlfriend threatens to kill you.  Loudly.  In a book store.  While your with your husband.  Seriously?

But seriously, none of this stuff really bothers me.  

A Moment In Time

I've decided to link up with Jenni at Story of My Life for a blog every day challenge.

Today's prompt: A moment of your day.  Here it is in pictures.

Here's my two cents...

I've decided to link up with Jenni at Story of My Life for a blog every day challenge.

Advice: Karma is a biatch.  I know people don't believe in karma, but I'm firm and strong in my belief of it's presence.  

So her name is Karma.  She will haunt you.

Parenting Advice:  Relax.  

Fear

I've decided to link up with Jenni at Story of My Life for a blog every day challenge.

Today's topic: what do you fear most.

This answer is easy for me.  It comes to my head instantly.  I fear losing someone close to me.  I know every moment I have with people I love is a gift.   I'm reminded of that constantly.

I can't even elaborate much because my chest is starting to feel tight and panic-y just thinking about it.

My biggest fear is losing one of my babies or someone else in my family.  The thought is almost intolerable to me.

Also, total side note, this every-day challenge has made me notice that a lot of things make me feel very panic-y and anxious, and I'm not really sure how I feel about that.  I want to say it's probably just post-partum crazy, but I'm not really convinced, because these things ALWAYS make me feel panic-y.  I guess I just don't think about them all so close together?

What you gonna do?

I've decided to link up with Jenni at Story of My Life for a blog every day challenge.

If you couldn't answer your job, how would you answer the question what do you do?  Well, I do a lot.        I raise kids.  I'm a wife.  I'm a house keeper.   I'm a chef.   I'm a photographer.  I'm desperate to be crafty.  I'm a shopaholic and a professional procrastinator.  I organize and budget money.  I'm a list-maker.  In addition to that, I have a full-time job.

The most important aspect of my life, for sure, is raising my kids (followed closely by being a wife).

Cinco De Mayo!

I've decided to link up with Jenni at Story of My Life for a blog every day challenge.

Even though I've been blogging for a long time, I haven't really felt the need to grow or share my blog. As I've gotten older and my friends and I have gone our separate ways,  I've felt more of a need for girlfriends, which I think is one of the reasons I started looking in to growing my blog.

I signed up for a Carabox Match-Up (Check out Katitlyn @ Wifessionals for more info.)  I was matched up with Lauren @ SLP Sooner or Later.  We have crazy amount in common from first name to profession, and I just find her to be super fun.  Check her out.

Make sure you put my bra on me...

I've decided to link up with Jenni at Story of My Life for a blog every day challenge.

Most of my favorite quotes come from patients.  You know, you just can't make that stuff up.  About a year ago, a patient came into my life.  When I think about her, my heart is happy.  My dad actually grew up across the street from her.

She said things to me like:

"I can't come to therapy.  I'm not dressed yet."  Of course she said this and then pulled her shirt up over her head to demonstrate that she wasn't wearing a bra.

Along the same lines, she told me one day, "Oh dear, they forgot to cover my dark spots [nipples]."

Upon response to finding out I was pregnant, "You know, I got married.  I got pregnant and then I had a baby.  I got pregnant again and had another baby.  I got pregnant a third time and I had another baby. After the third time,  I found out that was causing that and I never did it again."

I ended up leaving her when I took a new job and she passed away a few months later.  May she rest in peace.

Am I making you uncomfortable?

This month I'm linking up with Jenni at Story of My Life for a blog every day in May challenge.  
Theme for the day: things that make you uncomfortable.  This could get lengthy. 

• People who have no concept of personal space.  No, I don't need you 2 inches from my face for us to have this conversation.  
• On the same note, being in large groups of people I don't know.  Crowded elevator?  I think I'll take the stairs.
• Middle-aged to old men that take exceptional interest in my child.  This throws up a pedophile flag to me.  
• Vomit, nausea, or other gastrointestinal illnesses. You can read about my irrational fear of vomit Here but seriously. You saying, "my stomach hurts," throws me into an almost panic attack like frenzy.
• Confrontation.  I mean if you have an issue with me, I don't have problems with confrontation, but I don't like other people being confronted.  
• This isn't like an awkward uncomfortable, but more like physically uncomfortable.  Being hot.  We keep our house at ice-box level.  
• Caves and other enclosed spaces.  These induce the same panic inducing feeling as vomit.  Racing heart, sweaty palms, and shortness of breath slap me in the face.

What's making you uncomfortable?